I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
