It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
