This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
