Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
