if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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