I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
