you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
