Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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