like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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