Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
