Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I was not drunk enough for that final.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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