Got a toothbrush?
I can tuck mytits in my pants
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
