I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
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