he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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