Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Randomize
