I am full of burrito and curiosity
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Hippo gnu deer
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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