Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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