I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
