you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
