ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
