I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Randomize
