I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
