i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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