you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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