dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
