On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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