When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Randomize
