I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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