I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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