Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
