4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Randomize
