just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
you inspire me to be a worse person
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
