i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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