I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Crop dusting thru forever 21
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
