I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Say something about gay babies.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
