So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
