We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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