My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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