obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
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