so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
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i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
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Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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