You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I'm always down for nudity.
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