Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
