I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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