it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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