I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
