a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
