I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
