I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
