am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize