Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
