taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
