Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
