you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
