uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Randomize
