Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Your dad touched me again.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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