I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
