"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
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I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
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all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
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