i think my tv is drunk
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
