Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
