walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
