u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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