I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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