Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
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