Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
