I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
