Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
