nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
