Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Randomize
