i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
