How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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