After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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