Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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