we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
