remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
