The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
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