so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
