I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
