i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
