I am puke
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
