I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Success! We fucked roommates!
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
