my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
