i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
