He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
